Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
