we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He passed out mid-signature
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize