I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
