I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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