i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
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