apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
