i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
