i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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