If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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