Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
