ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
She bit a glass in half.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
