Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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