Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
