I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
