We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize