Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
