He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
