You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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