I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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