areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Don't make out with my wife yet
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
