it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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