piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
