I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize