She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Send help, water and tortillas.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
