and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
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