It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
