I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
