I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I want to fling myself into the sun
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
