Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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