atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
