My boss' voice literally gives me gas
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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