even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize