Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
