I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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