my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
