and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
