Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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