bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
