The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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