omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
