i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
