Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
