ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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