Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
