Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
