and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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