there's paper in my vomit.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
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