I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
