you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Randomize
