Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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