Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
