Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
