To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize