I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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