Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
