At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
