So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
