I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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