did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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