Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
