i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
