i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize