I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
