I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
