All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
