White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
