my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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