I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
