College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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