omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
